


Goodbye

by indecisivemess



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bad Poetry, Depression, Numbness, Suicide, negativity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 17:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19255405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivemess/pseuds/indecisivemess
Summary: Just one more number to add to the statistics, that's what she would be. But if that meant she wouldn't suffer anymore, then it was worth it.





	Goodbye

Her heart was racing, the blood roaring in her ears. The night was loud and dark, heavy with smoke and heat. Her view stretched for miles to no end, from the highest place of the bridge. Other people, strangers she would never meet, walked behind her as she grabbed the railing. Some straddled slowly, in no hurry to get home, as they chatted with their companions; others stomped their way across to the other side, wanting to see their families at long last. All peaceful events, recorded by her hearing, even if the sea of lights and noise coming from under her feet disrupted some of its magic. So she closed her eyes, sorting through her senses.

Gently, calmly, she created her own little corner of the world. The breeze was fresh, nice to the touch as it caressed her cheeks. It soothed her worries like a mother cradling her child. I wouldn’t mind being a child of the wind, she thought to herself, trying to contain the small twirls she added to her dress by shifting it around. Be free to express myself and able to travel to anywhere I wished, no strings attached, she added. It must have been nice.

She breathed in deeply, taking in an appeasing moment before opening her eyes again to the overwhelming world around her. The honking and the scratches of tires against the asphalt came back full force, making her cringe visibly. She felt the need to cover her ears, to block the world again, but her hands wouldn’t obey, staying by her sides. The air felt toxic in her lungs as she forced the polluted gases into her system. The people behind her had gone quiet, already at their predicted destinations, leaving her alone with the stars.

She would miss them, she decided, as she held her hands firmly to the rusty metal bar, pushing her weight over it to land on the other side of it. There was a small step, she had noticed, just a few inches bigger than her feet. Only then she realized she was looking down at the road, expelling a shaky breath as she took in the height she was at. She had always hated high places, refusing to cross bridges by foot if she could go around it some other way. Guess there was always a first time for everything.

She kept her grip, forcing her head up to the sky. Today had been a nice sunny day. Not even one cloud could be spotted against the bright blue. As the sun disappeared behind the horizon, however, some had showed up, to wave it goodbye, and they had remained to watch the moon rise up, wishing it a good evening. It had appreciated the gesture, it seemed, as they now gathered close to each other, the bright moonlight casting a seemingly innocent shadow over the comforting white of the clouds. The more she stared, the more it looked like they were dancing around the light, even if it was just a reflection of the sun, distanced miles and miles away. It was a fake dance, a depressing one, but it radiated tranquility.

Slowly, forcefully, she teared her gaze away from the sky, somehow hurting herself by doing so. A sudden harsh gust of wind threw her off guard, almost making her yelp, but she kept quiet, watching her dress flap helplessly in the direction it had been tossed. She let it be, breathing through her mouth as she found herself short on air.

She held her head high when she returned to her somewhat calm state. It was more neutral than anything, number. Her emotions had given their last leap of faith and now it seemed she couldn’t bring them back to life. Not even now, in such a place, she felt uncomfortable or scared. She only felt the breeze, and the dryness it gave to her sore eyes. She only felt her grip on the railing, the end of her dress hugging her legs and the slight pain they bared from standing for so long. She could have been here for hours and she wouldn’t have noticed it. She had only a vague notion of the time, given by the position of the moon in the sky and the constriction of traffic under her.

I can wait a few more minutes, she decided, determined in enjoying a few ever lasting moments of that beautiful night. What she tried to ignore, though, was the small glimpse of hope that sparked itself into existence, at the thought of yet again another second chance, just like the many others she had been given before. But tonight she was prepared to let it die. She had left her phone on her bed, by her plushie; her only valued belongings. Apart from that fact, she had also ensured she wondered around town, making sure to get lost, something that would have terrified her if she felt anything. No one would find her this time.

She brought her hand up to brush her long hair away from her neck, realizing it was shaking slightly. She promptly closed her eyes, stopping the familiar burn of tears. She did not regret it. She took a breath unconsciously, before looking behind her and changing her position. The world had hurt her so much she didn’t want to look at it before leaving. Her feet were firm on the step as she let her weight fall on her stretched arms, almost feeling like she was playing a game. Sooner or later, someone would come running to hold her back and to push her to stand straight, like it always happened in kinder garden. Then they would all laugh and change the person to be saved around, before the teachers would yell at them to stop with that play.

No one came for her. And quietly, truthfully, she laughed at the bittersweet taste that fact left in her mouth. Maybe they would hold her back before dumping her corpse on the dirt. Now smiling, just a small grimace compared to the wide grins she would gift to people before, she let a single tear fall down her cheek before letting go of the railing, letting gravity do its work. Her body felt light as it went down against the odds and she closed her eyes one last time, truly cradled by the wind as she went to sleep forever.

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off a dream I had, right after I passed out from a panic attack. I dont plan to kill myself in the near future, but the way I feel numb inside its also not helping with wanting to live. I wrote this as a way to channel that out. Im safe, I promise.


End file.
